Top Ten Topics That Haven’t Been Blogged About, But Should Be

A couple years ago, I posted the AoftheA Editorial Board’s Top Ten topics that will rock your Catholic blog.  Reading the list, you’ll notice that they’ve been argued over and over across the Catholic blogosphere in one form or another – I don’t take credit for the popularity of the topics, mind you.  They’re just the best topics you can blog about if you want to generate traffic and conversation – and if you’re really lucky, a link from Pewsitter, or BigPulpit, and maybe even a column of repudiation/agreement from someone on Patheos.

But let’s be honest – those topics are getting stale. They’re racehorses that have run the circuit, and ought to be put out to pasture.  They’re the same ol’ same ol’ – repetitive with no new insights to offer, complete with carbon copy comments.  In my opinion, anyone blogging on those topics is guilty of not using their imagination, or succumbing to mediocrity in order to boost page views. Anybody can shoot fish in a barrel – the trick is to catch new fish.

Truthfully, the original list could have been the Top Twenty Topics, and I had considered doing that, but comprehensive research has shown that internet attention spans are short, and most readers lose interest with lists containing more than ten items. Now, I’m not going to take the easy way out and publish this second list (which would include topics like Holocaust deniers, or saying Fr Z was wrong on something – guaranteed winners) – that’s not how I roll.  You readers deserve so much better.

Thus, the AoftheA Editorial Board was given a mission:  discover new topics, topics never written on, topics that might help bloggers generate buzz and traffic and name recognition and notoriety and book deals and syndication and a contract with a blogomerate.  It was a mission the Board took on with gusto, one which they just concluded. First, they conducted an extensive six-month study of the Catholic blogosphere, compiling a list of never-discussed topics.  Then, the Editorial Board ran these topics through a Subject Quality-Interest-Controversy Filter, then their patented Combox Inquisition & Flamewar Probability Matrix, and finally an Exploding Head Flummoxometer.  All the data was analyzed, peer-reviewed, and collated – and after some all-night sessions featuring Red Bulls by the bucket, way too many bags of Lay’s Chicken & Waffle Potato Chips, and Red Vine licorice, they produced the Top Ten Topics That Haven’t Been Blogged About, But Should Be. Publish your magisterial opinion on any the following topics, and your blog will become all the rage.

10. Using the toilet while your spouse is also in the bathroom – yay or nay?
9.  Scapulars – on or off during marital relations?
8.  I love clown Masses!
7.  Husband live-tweeting child birth – yay or nay?
6.  Should the priest wear vestments when saying Mass at a nudist colony?
5.  Pope JPII coined “New Evangelization” 23 years ago – so is it still “new”?
4.  Which is best for teaching your kids how to smoke: cigars, pipes, or cigarettes?
3. Husband “sympathy PMS”: fact or fiction?
2. They’ve got girl altar servers. When will we have female Swiss Guard?
1. Who’s the best looking Catholic male/female blogger?

There you have it. New topics to replace the old, worn out, over-argued, over-analyzed, automatic-page-view-increasing topics. The Catholic blogosphere argument machine needs an injection of innovation and a cannonade of contemporary.

You’re welcome.

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About thelarryd

LarryD resides in Michigan with his wife and 2 sons. He's been blogging on Catholic topics since March 2008, providing orthodox commentary on heterodox hooliganism, with observations on the culture, trends, and the Church. His goal? Inject humor and fun into the New Evangelization, with the gentle reminder that everyone's taking themselves way too seriously.
This entry was posted in All The World's A Blog And We Are Merely Posters, Catholic Bloggers, Humor, Just My Opinion But You Know I'm Right, Lists. Bookmark the permalink.

16 Responses to Top Ten Topics That Haven’t Been Blogged About, But Should Be

  1. Jean says:

    Female Swiss Guard? LarryD, just by posting that on a list, you could draw the Crescat and her readership!

    I didn’t see the original list. I think they make a great conversation starters, too. Especially if I’m trying to get thrown out of a boring dinner party. 🙂

    Like

  2. Sherry says:

    I want an exploding head fluxometer.

    Like

  3. Alipius says:

    I’ll do you one better and publish my magisterial opinion right here so your visitor numbers will go through the roof:
    10) During the first 16 months of your relationship: No way! After that: Sure
    9) C’mon! We talked about this! NO TOYS!
    8) No you don’t
    7) Hell no!
    6) If the priest’s name is Moonbeam he should not be wearing vestments
    5) Let me answer that question with another question: Is “New York” still “New”?
    4) None of the above. Just tell your kids you don’t want them to smoke and they will teach it to themselves faster than you ever could
    3) Pulp Fiction
    2) When Switzerland runs out of good looking dudes, I guess…
    1) Mark Shea, hands down (looking over my shoulders to check if his minions are happy with my answer…)

    Like

  4. Paul Mitchell says:

    I’m not a blogger anymore, so I’ll just clutter up your combox:

    10. Nay.
    9. Off.
    8. No.
    7. Nay.
    6. Yes.
    5. No, and what’s more, I’m quite tired of it.
    4. Cigars. But cheap ones.
    3. Feeble excuse.
    2. Yes, and I’ll help edit the calendar.
    1. You, and Rebecca Frech, especially since she’s been working out.

    Like

  5. 10. no!
    9. On.
    8. No.
    7. No!
    6. Yes.
    5. No.
    4. Pipes– bubble pipes.
    3. Fact. Pheromones are serious business in an enclosed space.
    2. I hope never.
    1. We’ll need more current pictures to decide on that.

    Like

  6. Tunces says:

    I’ll have to get back to you on this.

    Like

  7. victor says:

    Hey! You were on Patheos today! You’re famous!

    Like

  8. al007italia says:

    Larry, & you say I am too much. Let he who is without sin be the 1st to cast a stone.
    So when are you going to share ypur answers to 3,4 9 & 10 based on your personal experience?
    As for #4, a pipe of course, the tobacco has the best smell. & if it is good enough for the Hobbits, Tom Sawyer, Huck Finn, CS Lewis & JRR Tolkien, it is good enough for your kids. I will admit GK Chesterton would disagree & say a cigar. Of which I would say, if it is a good one, that would work as well.
    Although for a girl, Virginia Slims would work as well, while being more lady-like. 😉

    Like

  9. joeinblack says:

    10. Using the toilet while your spouse is also in the bathroom – yay or nay?
    As a Catholic Priest, my spouse is omnipresent. It can be awkward.

    9. Scapulars – on or off during marital relations?
    I always wear mine during mass.

    8. I love clown Masses!
    I do not like large gatherings of clowns. I blame Stephen king.

    7. Husband live-tweeting child birth – yay or nay?
    Ugh.

    6. Should the priest wear vestments when saying Mass at a nudist colony?
    My answer would revolve around the fiddleback vestments. I know there is a joke there, but I simply don’t have the time to find it.

    5. Pope JPII coined “New Evangelization” 23 years ago – so is it still “new”?
    2000 year old Church? Heck…it’ll be new for 200 more years, if I do the math right.

    4. Which is best for teaching your kids how to smoke: cigars, pipes, or cigarettes?
    PIPES! Jesus prefers His People smoke Pipes. That’s just science.

    3. Husband “sympathy PMS”: fact or fiction?
    Fact, I feel great sympathy for husbands during that time.

    2. They’ve got girl altar servers. When will we have female Swiss Guard?
    I’ve met a bunch of these guys: its quite possible some members of the Former East German Women’s Swim team snuck in under the radar.

    1. Who’s the best looking Catholic male/female blogger?
    ooooohhhh…so much to say there…I’ll refrain.

    Like

  10. Gregg the Obscure says:

    10 – nope
    9 – nope – too much chance of tangles
    8 – I suppose a priest could say Mass for an assemblage of clowns – maybe even of politicians
    7 – sure, if he’s dumb enough to try it he’s signing on for the consequences
    6 – Yes, including a pillowcase over his face
    5 – St. Simeon the New Theologian is much older, so sure
    4 – pipes, harder for them to get tobacco in their mouths that way
    3 – not as much “sympathy” as dishing out what one has received
    2 – in year 2776
    1 – there are a few ladies I’d name, but out of courtesy for those I might forget I’ll refrain from specifics, but has anyone else noticed how most the snapshots on New Advent look rather less than flattering?

    Like

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