(AoftheAP) On Sunday, November 11, two dozen US Catholic bishops and roughly fifty Blorg representatives and media members convened in Baltimore prior to the start of the USCCB Fall General Assembly, to discuss the intersection of evangelization and the New Media. The symposium, titled “An Encounter With Social Media: Bishops and Bloggers Dialogue”, lasted for three hours, and concluded with a surprise announcement.
“The USCCB, in conjunction with the Blorg, will be accepting applications to the newly formed Bloginary that will open in the Spring of 2013,” a spokesman told AoftheA News. “Think of it as a seminary for bloggers, where they will receive training, formation and instruction concerning proper protocols for context, blockquoting, hyperlinking and comment moderation.”
According to unconfirmed reports, the initial class will have slots for 25 bloggers. It is believed that once any programming bugs have been corrected, and final source coding has been completed, absorption of the remaining 3,000+ Catholic bloggers will commence without haste.
Blorg 13 of 29, who blogs at Delta QuadRantings, is looking forward to the Bloginary.
“We are pleased that the Bishops have agreed to our plan. When we informed them that resistance…um, to the use of New Media, that is…was futile, they surrendered…er, agreed rather quickly.”
13 of 29’s Blorg-mate 1 of 1, whose blog “The Collective Collection” reigns supreme among the Blorg, concurred. “All your blogz r belong to us…soon,” she said. “Let me rephrase that,” she added hastily. “The establishment of the Bloginary is in no way an indication that we intend to assimilate all of Catholic blogdom…for now. Our primary objective is to assist the bishops in dictating…I mean, guiding other Catholic bloggers to learn best practices and such.”
Some bloggers fear that the Bloginary will lead to a homogenization of the Catholic blogosphere, and a suppression of personality and free will, but Blorg 6 of 29, who blogs at “Feast Of The Assimilation”, disagreed. “Catholic bloggers routinely declare that they are not homophobes, so they should not fear homogenization, should there be any, which there won’t be, because you can trust us. Our primary objective is to ensure that their blogs don’t suck.”
A spokesman for the USCCB, speaking on the condition of anonymity, told AoftheA News the Bloginary won’t confer any canonical status upon its “graduates”. “Rather, it will just ensure against future bloggers saying anything negative about the bishops or other Blorg members.”
Blorg 13 of 29 agreed with that assessment. “And I am looking forward to assimilating…excuse me, I mean instructing that wiener Axe of the Apothecary, or whatever he calls himself, on proper Christian Internet conduct.”