A couple years ago, I posted the AoftheA Editorial Board’s Top Ten topics that will rock your Catholic blog. Reading the list, you’ll notice that they’ve been argued over and over across the Catholic blogosphere in one form or another – I don’t take credit for the popularity of the topics, mind you. They’re just the best topics you can blog about if you want to generate traffic and conversation – and if you’re really lucky, a link from Pewsitter, or BigPulpit, and maybe even a column of repudiation/agreement from someone on Patheos.
But let’s be honest – those topics are getting stale. They’re racehorses that have run the circuit, and ought to be put out to pasture. They’re the same ol’ same ol’ – repetitive with no new insights to offer, complete with carbon copy comments. In my opinion, anyone blogging on those topics is guilty of not using their imagination, or succumbing to mediocrity in order to boost page views. Anybody can shoot fish in a barrel – the trick is to catch new fish.
Truthfully, the original list could have been the Top Twenty Topics, and I had considered doing that, but comprehensive research has shown that internet attention spans are short, and most readers lose interest with lists containing more than ten items. Now, I’m not going to take the easy way out and publish this second list (which would include topics like Holocaust deniers, or saying Fr Z was wrong on something – guaranteed winners) – that’s not how I roll. You readers deserve so much better.
Thus, the AoftheA Editorial Board was given a mission: discover new topics, topics never written on, topics that might help bloggers generate buzz and traffic and name recognition and notoriety and book deals and syndication and a contract with a blogomerate. It was a mission the Board took on with gusto, one which they just concluded. First, they conducted an extensive six-month study of the Catholic blogosphere, compiling a list of never-discussed topics. Then, the Editorial Board ran these topics through a Subject Quality-Interest-Controversy Filter, then their patented Combox Inquisition & Flamewar Probability Matrix, and finally an Exploding Head Flummoxometer. All the data was analyzed, peer-reviewed, and collated – and after some all-night sessions featuring Red Bulls by the bucket, way too many bags of Lay’s Chicken & Waffle Potato Chips, and Red Vine licorice, they produced the Top Ten Topics That Haven’t Been Blogged About, But Should Be. Publish your magisterial opinion on any the following topics, and your blog will become all the rage.
10. Using the toilet while your spouse is also in the bathroom – yay or nay?
9. Scapulars – on or off during marital relations?
8. I love clown Masses!
7. Husband live-tweeting child birth – yay or nay?
6. Should the priest wear vestments when saying Mass at a nudist colony?
5. Pope JPII coined “New Evangelization” 23 years ago – so is it still “new”?
4. Which is best for teaching your kids how to smoke: cigars, pipes, or cigarettes?
3. Husband “sympathy PMS”: fact or fiction?
2. They’ve got girl altar servers. When will we have female Swiss Guard?
1. Who’s the best looking Catholic male/female blogger?
There you have it. New topics to replace the old, worn out, over-argued, over-analyzed, automatic-page-view-increasing topics. The Catholic blogosphere argument machine needs an injection of innovation and a cannonade of contemporary.