I’m trying out something new here at AoftheA. I’ve decided I’m going to interview members of the Catholic media and apologetics circuit. I’ve never done an interview before, and I figured what the heck? You guys deserve fresh exciting hotness, and when you ask yourself, “hey? what’s the fresh exciting hotness today?”, I want you answering: “Duh! AoftheA!”
Now, I have to believe that most of the Catholic media types and apologists are rather normal and perhaps quite a few of them are even interesting. It’s worth finding out.
The Big Question remained: who to interview? There are so many to choose from. They’re not that busy, so I knew they’d have the time to chat. I wasn’t worried about that. But it’s important to start this series off with a bang. Someone with instant name recognition, someone naive enough to not really understand anything about my blog.
Then it came to me. It was so obvious.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the inaugural Exclusive AoftheA Interview:
Patrick Madrid’s Mustache
AoftheA: Thanks for agreeing to be interviewed.
The Stache: Not a problem. It’s an honor. Really.
AoftheA: Let’s get down to it. Where did you and Patrick first meet?
The Stache: Gosh, it’s been so long, it’s hard to remember. It was either 1981 or 1982. No, it was 1981, because he hadn’t married yet. We were in our early twenties, still in college. University of Phoenix.
AoftheA: What were you studying?
The Stache: Business, but it wasn’t for me. I dropped out after a couple semesters.
AoftheA: So you didn’t team up with Patrick then.
The Stache: No. We first met in a study group. He was okay, sorta pushy. A take charge kinda guy. We’d hang out at the bar afterward, and he was pretty cool after a few brews. But after leaving U of P, we lost touch.
AoftheA: But you met up again, later?
The Stache: Yeah, oddly enough. About three years later, at the Columbus airport of all places.
AoftheA: Tell me about that.
The Stache: Well, I was just hanging out there, doing my thing. Handing out flowers, banging on my drum, and…
AoftheA: Wait a sec. Airport? Flowers?
The Stache: Yeah, I was a Hairy Krishna.
AoftheA: So what happened?
The Stache: Patrick recognized me and we started talking. He mentioned he was taking courses at Pontifical College Josephinum in town, and was happy to see me. Offered to buy me coffee some time.
AoftheA: That was it?
The Stache: Well, I happened to be thirsty at the time, and broke, so I asked “How about now?” He said sure, and we chatted about faith and Catholicism for an hour or more, and now, here we are.
The Stache: I know! I didn’t even know I was looking for answers, at least consciously. I was surprised by truth.
AoftheA: No, amazing you could nurse a coffee for an hour. So what’s it like being a Catholic apologist?
The Stache: It’s a good life. I can’t complain. Get to travel, meet new people, talk about the faith. I’m most excited about my new radio program, “Right Here, Right Now”, which I launched back in September. It’s a lot of fun, and I’m really…
AoftheA: But the promo says “Right Here Right Now with Patrick Madrid”. It’s not “Right Here Right Now with The Stache”.
The Stache: Well, duh. It’s marketing, that’s all. He’s taller, more mobile – more recognizable. But the show was all me. In fact, I wanted to call it “Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow”, but he turned it down. It ended up being the right call.
AoftheA: You’ve never married.
The Stache: I’m a mustache.
AoftheA: Never found that special hair lip?
The Stache: I.Am.A.Mustache.
AoftheA: Tell me about the chicken.
The Stache: Oh gosh, you heard about that? Okay, fine. As you know, Patrick raises chickens at his place. Has a real nice chicken coop, a whole herd of chickens. One day, we go in to the hen house to get some eggs for Nancy – that’s his wife – to bake something or other. Anyway, he bends down to pick up an egg that rolled off a nest, and the stupid chicken mistook me for a giant hairy caterpillar. Next thing I know, I’m in its beak, getting tugged off. Hurt like heck. Patrick, he stands up and hits his head on the door and starts getting all wobbly like. Meanwhile, the chicken is still hanging on, stuck to his face, I’m blacking out from the pain. He has to whack the chicken a few times against the door frame to make it let go.
AoftheA: So what happened to the chicken?
The Stache: Cacciatore. Best I ever had.
AoftheA: Has there ever been a time when you were afraid Patrick was going to…you know, shave?
The Stache: Nah. Once in a while, when getting ready in the morning, he’ll hold that Norelco, smile and say ‘It would be soooo easy…’, and I’ll say ‘Do it, and it’s bye bye EWTN.’ Then we laugh. Besides, Nancy would freak out.
AoftheA: What do you do in your spare time?
The Stache: Well, I’ve been working on a new book. Kinda autobiographical. I’m calling it “Last Stache Standing”. And I’m a big history buff. I’m into ancestry, and I just discovered that I’m a distant cousin of Teddy Roosevelt’s mustache.
AoftheA: One last question. If you hadn’t become an apologist, then what would you have been?
The Stache: I’ve never really given it much thought. Although I’ve often fantasized about stand-up comedy. Or maybe running a restaurant.
Well, that was pretty interesting. So who should I interview next?