(AoftheAP) Catholic Biblical scholars from around the world gathered in Rome this past weekend to attend the unveiling of a recently discovered fragment of papyrus, covered in Hebrew script. The fragment, believed to have been written in the 2nd century and found while excavating a home in Capernaum, contains references to Jesus Christ, including a direct quote.
A portion of Dr Ütic’s controversial papyrus fragment. Or maybe not.
The fragment, discovered and partially translated by Dr. Herman Ütic, a German Biblical scholar, will certainly cause shockwaves throughout the Christian world for years to come.
“It’s exciting,” Dr Ütic told AoftheA News. “We finally have proof that Jesus really did have something to say about homosexual behavior. A portion of the fragment reads ‘…yet the sin of sodomy shall always offend Heaven…’, and ‘…lest they seek His mercy, they shall be cast into the fires of Gehenna.’ For the first time, we have words of Christ speaking against homosexual behavior.”
It would seem, therefore, that a major lynchpin in the gay rights community’s argument, demanding the Catholic Church change its teaching on the morality of homosexual behavior because Jesus never spoke about it, has been dealt a devastating blow. If confirmed, one of their justifications would be eliminated.
Catholyc Biblical scholars quickly denounced the discovery. “It’s an obvious forgery,” said Dr. Georg Annyzer, a fellow German and adviser to the National Catholic Reporter. “Such quotes do not conform to the image of Jesus we have been carefully crafting for the past five decades.”
Spokespersons from leading gay activists in the Catholic Church – DignityUSA, New Ways Ministry, and the Jesuit order – likewise condemned the fragment.
“Everyone knows that any newly discovered fragments containing quotes from Jesus Christ confirm the things we support and ideas we espouse,” said the DignityUSA spokesperson. “To think that Jesus would say anything in line with the extreme right wing of the Republican party is just ludicrous.”
The New Ways Ministry spokesperson doubted that those were Jesus’ words. “Jesus was all about love. He never talked about people being condemned to Gehenna. Not in my bible version, at least.”
The Jesuits’ spokesperson merely expressed doubt that Jesus actually ever existed.
Dr Ütic stated that additional tests on the fragment are forthcoming, to insure its authenticity.
“Who knows?” he asked. “The untranslated bits might reveal Jesus’ thoughts on women’s ordination. Wouldn’t that be something?”
Niiice! :~D
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I love the names of the experts, but you only get them when you speak with a German accent.
a very clever parody indeed!
I get the Herman Ütic – joke (note German spells Hermann with double n, and the Ü is actually different from U), but the other one I don’t. Please help me…
The German pronunciation of “Georg” isn’t like the American pronunciation of “George”, as in King George. It’s pronounced “Ghey-Org”
A very funny put down of the garbage that the higher critics have been pouring down our throats for the last three hundred years!
Too bad something like this wouldn’t really happen.
As for the names, I got Dr. Utic right away. I let out a loud groan. Thank God I am at home with my new tablet. If I had been at the library this one might have come close to banning me for life.
Ha! Ha! Herman Utic! Ha! Ha!
So funny! I loved the phrase “spokespersons from leading gay activists in the Catholic Church – DignityUSA, New Ways Ministry, and the Jesuit order.” Very clever Larry D!
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Hermeneutic! I just got it. Seriously. I was trying to figure it out all night.
brilliant
LOL!
No doubt that if a fragment like this would be really discovered it would probably (and on purpose) be completely ignored by the media.
No journalist reports EVER on serious biblical scholarship. They only report on Erhman nonsense and sensationalistic news (usually exagerating them even more).