Top Ten Penance Ideas Rejected By USCCB

The USCCB recently announced details of a new prayer & fasting campaign, in which Catholics throughout the United States will be asked to help with the “rebuilding of a culture favorable to life and marriage and for increased protections of religious liberty.”

The campaign is comprised of five components:

  • cathedrals and parishes are encouraged to hold a Eucharistic holy hour for life, marriage, and religious liberty on or near the last Sunday of every month
  • individuals and families are encouraged to pray the Rosary daily, “especially for the preservation of life, marriage, and religious liberty in the nation”
  • priests are encouraged to include prayers for life, marriage, and religious liberty among the intentions during the Prayer of the Faithful at Mass
  • “recognizing the importance of spiritual and bodily sacrifice in the life of the Church,” the bishops encourage fasting and abstinence from meat on all Fridays
  • “in light of the August 1, 2013 deadline for religious organizations to comply with the HHS mandate,” a second Fortnight for Freedom will be held in July

Those are all excellent things, and I daresay that there are many Catholics who have been doing such things, having incorporated those activities into their daily lives.  And there are plenty of others like me who have to get crackin’.

But what the USCCB isn’t telling people, are the ideas and penances they had considered and ultimately rejected. AoftheA was given an exclusive look at the list.  Here are the top ten considerations, in no particular order:

  1. Watch reruns of the 1980-81 season of Saturday Night Live.
  2. Subscribe to the National Catholic Reporter – and read it without losing your temper.
  3. If you’re a Mac user, get a PC.  If you’re a PC user, keep using it.
  4. Wear the same pair of underwear for a week at a time.
  5. Your iPod playlist can only contain songs by Raffi, The Wiggles or Justin Bieber.
  6. Every weekend, sit through a triple feature of bad Stallone films, such as “Rhinestone”, “Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot”, and then “Rhinestone” again, just for good measure.
  7. If you’re a guy, wear these to Mass.  If you’re a lady, don’t stare.
  8. Eat at Golden Corral or Friendly’s twice a month.
  9. Watch NBA basketball.
  10. Read Acts of the Apostasy.

h/t to Matt from CMR for a bit of help.

11 responses

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  2. Larry, I can understand why reading Acts of the Apostasy would be rejected as a penance. It is way too funny & would be a joy, not a suffering, to read it. Unless you are of the “Catholyc” left extraction. But they don’t do penances anyway.

    Also agree that watching the 80-81 season of SNL would be a good penance.

  3. “…read Mark Shea’s blog…”
    –Stephen Dalton

    I did and immediately felt contrite for having done so and very sorry for him.

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  6. I think the rejected ones would definitely be easier with these modifications: 1) SNL-I propose the original five year time span when I was too young to stay up that late, 2) I already get the Register so should be Catholic Digest (must re-subscribe), 3) Can using my neighbor’s MAC count? 4) thermal or regular?, 5) I do not own an iPod (REALLY!), so I suppose I should buy one, 6) How about Spy Kids 3 (it’s really for Ricardo Montalban but who’s to say), 7), I won’t stare, 8), Friendly’s is definitely a go (does just the ice cream count?), 9) should be NFL since the NHL is on strike (extremely painful either way).

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