Patrick Madrid Is A Force To Be Reckoned With

Patrick Madrid is a phenomenal apologist.  I’m glad he’s on our team, because let’s face it, he’s practically unstoppable.  He writes, he blogs, he’s on the radio (his brand new radio show launches today, in fact!), he’s on EWTN, he travels hither and yon, he debates, he headlines conferences, he produced Envoy magazine, he’s an adjunct professor at Steubenville, he has DVD’s…he even had a World Youth Day event named after him.

And while he would humbly say that he’s merely trying to serve God and His Church, and doing the best he can with the gifts God has given him, that’s only telling part of the story.  Because one of the gifts God has given him is wicked awesome.

The Stache. 

Look at it.  Who can argue with The Stache?  It is to Patrick, like the flowing locks were to Samson.  It’s Kryptonite to the Kal-El’s of the Catholyc world.  It makes him the studliest of studs and dudeliest of dudes.

Rumor has it James White has on more than one occasion, cowered in fear of The Stache, crying like a little girl.

It’s been said that while Patrick’s typing up a manuscript, The Stache is working on a separate one at the same time.  In a foreign language.

It once beat Ray Guarendi’s moustache in an arm wrestling contest.  Don’t ask me how – it just did.

And a couple times, when Patrick’s dozed off during EWTN “Open Line” program, The Stache fielded incoming calls.

Yeah – The Stache is the Chuck Norris of Catholic apologetics.

If he doesn’t have The Stache trademarked and patented, he better get on it.  Because as much as it is a force for good in the world, can you imagine if some of the prominent Catholycs got a hold of The Stache?  The havoc they would wreak?  As crazy as they are now, they’d be crazy and powerful later. Practically invincible.  I can picture it…

Fr Tom Reese might have never gotten fired from America if he had The Stache…

“We’re not liberal, we’re mainstream. You have us confused with Commonweal.”

Hans Kung would be irrepressible…

“Zee Spirit of Vatican II is all-powerful!”

Michael Sean Winters, op-ed guy at the National Catholic Distorter, would start making sense…

“You know I’m right that Donahue’s a wingnut, right?”

His compatriot, LGBT maven Jamie Manson, would be difficult to argue against…

“Jesus would so too bless gay marriages. You can’t argue with me on that.”

And just think about how persuasive Joan Chittister would become!

“Women will no longer be marginalized, now that we have The Stache for ourselves!”

Even Call-to-Action would start showing some gravitas…

“We believe in the power of Social Just Stache!”

And Rome would succumb to the power of the womynpreests…

“Calling us ‘Father’ isn’t so strange, now that we look like dudes.”

The Stache might even help your average Catholic blogger…

If you stop following AoftheA, The Stache will hunt you down…”

For the love of all that’s good and holy, Patrick – don’t let any of that happen!!

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14 responses

  1. I think I heard somewhere that that ‘stache could speak Latin… in Greek.

    And if you (and he) might permit me to put words in his mouth, “Stay holy my friends.”

  2. Ha! This was great! Who can argue against the power of the Stache?! My dear husband always has had a Stache and I admit I fell under its power. It just makes you smarter.

  3. Maybe Archbishop Dolan can borrow the Stache for the upcoming Al Smith dinner. He’s going to need some serious ammo with Dear Leader in attendance!

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