10 Things Your Date Might Say That Show They’re Catholyc

Generally speaking, we here at the AoftheA steer clear of relationship and dating advice.  Mostly because the dating scene is no longer visible in the rearview mirror, so any advice proffered will probably be outdated and outmoded.  And also, if you really knew the state of my relationships, then you’d quickly realize that I’m the last person you want advice from.

But that doesn’t mean we won’t jump in head first into a shallow pit where there’s the chance to score a few cheap laughs.  That’s how AoftheA rolls, you know.

Last week, over at The Wisconsin Bad Boy blog (aka The Badger Catholic), contributor Virginia Zignego put up a post on “Things not to say to a Catholic woman on your first date”.  Frankly, I didn’t realize that Catholic women were allowed to have a first date – I’m glad the Vatican has issued an indult to permit such things.  That’s très cool!

Anyway, it was an amusing post, and it inspired me: what are tell-tale signs that your date might be a Catholyc?  What things might they say that will tip you off?  Think of it as a Guide To Getting The Heck Outta There With Your Faith Still Intact.  Maybe it will become an e-Book, who knows?  So for you single Catholic guys and girls out there – maybe you’ve signed up with one of the Catholic dating sites, or your Aunt Gertrude knows a single Catholic “who’s just right for you” – listen up. Here are ten things your date might say that will reveal they’re Catholyc:

1)  “I can’t stay out too late – my IVF appointment is at 9 tomorrow morning.”

2)  “I’m leaning towards Starsong Chittister as the name of my first daughter.”

3)  “I’m leaning towards Starsong Chittister as the name of my first son.”

4)  “My grandmother just got ordained a deacon last weekend.  It was beautiful.”

5)  “You know, the Church would be in much better shape if theologians like Pelosi were paid better attention.”

6)  “I teach male liturgical dance studies at the local community college.  What do you do?”

7)  “My favorite Pope?  What, we still have those?”

8)  “I can’t decide whether I should subscribe to America or National Catholic Reporter.  What do you think?”

9)  “Get this – I went to Mass last Sunday…did you know they’ve changed the prayers?!?  When did that happen?”

10)  “I almost had to cancel our date.  I just got bailed out of jail yesterday for trespassing at the School of the Americas.”

Bonus: “Obama? Obama rocks!”

Got any to add?

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31 responses

  1. “I wish the Church would just get with the times.”

    My favorite way to mess with Catholycs is to use the phrase “girl altar boys”.

  2. 1, Did you see that movie about Pope Joan?
    2. I wish the Catholic Church would treat women with the same respect that Islam does.
    3. What’s your enneagram number?

  3. On Stephen Dalton’s number 11: Just a European asking, but does that mean if I’m against the death penalty (as is, IIRC, the Pope and was as was his predecessor), I’m not Catholic enough?

      • Audrey and Michael, most liberals, Catholyc and non-Catholyc are anti-death penalty fanatics, just like they’re pro-sodomite fanatics. Now, not all people who are against the dp are liberal fanatics. I just simply think they have been misguided by the spirit of this age. However, the church fathers always taught that the death penalty was just, so it’s a magisterial teaching. Go to catholicchampion.blogspot.com for some very good articles on the justice of the death penalty.

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  5. Oh what time is it? I have to take my Birth Control Pill

    So I was talking to my cousin the other day about ordaining women as priests in that New Aged church……

    • “They have this prayer urn at the Catholic retreat center I visited last weekend for my spritual rejuvenation. You place a prayer in the urn, spin it and the prayer is lifted into the air. It was a really moving experience.”
      (Note: this is what I witnessed at a real retreat center I happened upon for a Catholic school retreat I was required to go on).

  6. “You totally HAVE to go to this retreat center I went to! It has an amazing Labyrinth that allows you to go deeper and deeper into YOURSELF as you walk deeper and deeper into the center of it!” (If you hear this one, just run and don’t look back.)

  7. “Our parish is having a class on Centering Prayer next week. Wanna come?”

    ( Sadly this was a topic of a retreat I went to Saturday. Needless to say, I walked out.)

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