One of the great things about being Catholic is not being a Baptist, because one of the terrible things about being a Baptist is that you can’t drink (at least in front of fellow Baptists). And one of the great things about drinking is that you can play drinking games. Thus, being Catholic means you can play Catholic drinking games.
Now, I could take the easy way out and create a Catholic drinking game based on the Extraordinary Synod of the Family. But given the tone of some of the posts and tweets I’ve seen the past few days, I’m thinking some bloggers may have been drinking heavily since Monday.
Instead, I’ll pick a different Catholic topic, one that’s also all the rage right now. Which would be…well, lemme think…ummm…hmm. Hold on, I’ll come up with one in a sec…
Guess what. Turns out the Synod is the only raging topic right now.
So here’s how to play. First, make sure you’re not behind the wheel of a moving vehicle, or won’t be anytime soon. Second, if you have children, make sure they’re in a safe place, such as a locked closet or at a relative’s house. This might get ugly real fast. Third, go to any wildly popular blog that has published extensively on the Relatio or anything pertaining to the Synod. It can be any blog of your choice: liberal, conservative…makes no difference. The less normal the better. And make sure it’s really really really popular (that excludes my blog, because I’m not in the “Triple-really” popular category).
Fourth – and this is where the game starts – go to the combox of any Relatio or Synod related post at that blog, and start with the first comment and read straight through. Game ends when The Voice of Reason appears, such as a “We should pray and wait” comment, or “Let’s not over-react”, or something along those lines.
Ready? Let the game begin!
- For every “Yay! The Church is changing her doctrine!” comment, take a shot (Your choice – follow your conscience).
- For every “Oh no! The Church is changing her doctrine!” comment, take 2 shots. Because they should know better.
- For every “Oh no! We’re becoming Episcopalian!!”, take 3 shots. Because they really should know better.
- For every reference to Cdl Kasper, one gulp of a German beer.
- For every reference to Cdl Kasper dissing the African bishops, one gulp of a German beer followed by a shot of Amarula.
- For every mention of Pope Francis (pro or con), one Papal Maple.
- For every “festering evil” reference, one el Diablo.
- For every “dark and false Church” reference, a shot of Black Vodka.
- For every “the Church will approve so-called gay marriage!” reference (pro or con), one Sex on the Beach or Between the Sheets.
- A Mind Eraser every time the word “heresy” is mentioned.
- For every embedded link, a Jägerbomb.
- A sip of sacramental wine for every complaint that the “law of gradualism” is never applied to traditionalists.
- Two glasses of Sangria for every complaint that the “law of gradualism” is never applied to progressives.
Any additional rules?
Feel free to substitute any drinks of your choice. But remember: drink responsibly.
Disclaimer: If you play, and bad things happen, don’t send me your liver-transplant bill, or the cost of steam-cleaning your carpeting, IYKWIMAITYD.